JJ’s Tokophobia and Its Hidden Impact on Creativity and Relationships
Alexia healed her own tokophobia and developed the method she used to do it – and has helped women clear theirs for over 10 years.
“I never expected a conversation about tokophobia to shatter what I thought I knew… about myself, JJ, and just how far-reaching this fear really is.” When I first met JJ Stenhouse, she was a fellow presenter on UK Health Radio, a fellow truth-teller, and — like me — someone who cared deeply about shining a light on what gets missed in women’s health. But I genuinely wasn’t prepared for what happened when JJ heard the word tokophobia for the first time. Sometimes, when you’ve been living with an invisible fear for decades, it takes just a few words, or a candid conversation, for everything to fall into place — and that’s exactly what happened here. This episode of the Tik-Tokophobia podcast is special because we get to hear a very rare perspective on tokophobia; finding out you have it post-menopause.
In this honest, emotional, sometimes raw conversation, JJ shares her story – realising, at 68, that she’d spent her whole life shaped by a fear she didn’t even have language for. Here’s what you’ll find in this episode:
What If Your Fear Had a Name – All Along?
JJ’s story begins, as so many do, with confusion and questions. She always thought she was just “not mother material,” or simply unlucky with relationships and creative projects that never quite came to life. Hearing the words “traumatic birth” and “tokophobia” was the spark — suddenly, fragments of her story made sense in a way they never had before. We talk about what it felt like for her to realise that so much of her life made sense… when she finally had the right name for her fear.
When the World Tells You to “Just Get On With It”
It’s hard enough carrying anxiety you can’t explain. JJ describes what it’s like to go through miscarriage, to be dismissed by doctors, to lose relationships — all while telling herself she should be “over it by now.” Her honesty in talking about denial, unprocessed anger, and the complex, unspoken grief that trailed her into menopause will strike a chord with anyone who’s ever felt trapped by their own biology.
Tokophobia Is Not Just About Babies
One of the most powerful moments for me in this whole conversation is hearing JJ talk about her creativity. Tokophobia didn’t just mean not having children — it meant not being able to “birth” projects, books, or even parts of herself. It’s a reminder that, for women, what we fear about our own bodies often spills over into every corner of our lives. There’s a reason we say that reproductive anxiety is about much more than motherhood.
The Freedom of Clarity — and the Simplicity of Healing
A turning point in JJ’s story is so simple, but so important: naming the fear is a huge part of healing it. She talks about the process with fierce honesty—how once she decided she was done with this lifelong anxiety, things shifted. Creativity flooded back, her relationships changed, and she could finally soften around babies and mothers in a way she’d never been able to before. If you worry it’s too late for you, JJ’s journey shows otherwise.
This Is More Common Than You Think — And You Are Not Alone
After recording, I couldn’t stop thinking about the women who will recognise themselves in pieces of JJ’s story. If you’ve ever avoided holding babies, struggled to finish creative things, lost relationships, or simply felt “different” around motherhood — listen to this episode. Tokophobia can shape lives from the inside out, and for too long, women have been made to feel weird, broken, or unloving because of it. If you’re here, maybe you see yourself in JJ’s words — or maybe you just want to understand why fear of pregnancy is more than “just nerves.” This episode is for you. Your story matters. There is a name for what you’re going through, and you don’t have to carry it alone or in silence. 👉 Listen to the episode here And if you want to go deeper, check out our foundational white paper, “The Case for Reproductive Anxiety Disorder,” or discover the RAD Responsible™ initiative for safer, more compassionate conversations about birth and trauma. You are not broken. You’re not alone. You deserve to know what’s going on inside you—and that there’s a way forward. With warmth and solidarity, Alexia x P.S. This blog is your companion. The full heart of this story belongs in the episode—listen when you’re ready, and bring your gentle curiosity with you.
If JJ’s story resonates
Understanding what you’re dealing with is the first step. The free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes and tells you what you’re facing – no pressure, no scare tactics.
When you’re ready to stop carrying this on your own, the Tokophobia Support Circle is a small monthly community where women who understand make sense of it together, with a live group call each month. For focused one-to-one help, there’s the Tokophobia Support Programme.
Both are run by our partner site Fearless Birthing – founded, like Fear Free Childbirth, by Alexia Leachman. You can also read Alexia’s books, Betrayed By Your Biology and Fearless Birthing.
About the author: Alexia Leachman overcame her own tokophobia – and in the process developed the Head Trash Clearance Method, the approach she now uses to help women clear their fear of pregnancy and birth. For over a decade she has worked with women around the world and trained perinatal professionals to do the same. She is the author of Betrayed By Your Biology, a book on tokophobia and reproductive anxiety, host of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, and is often described – by the women she works with and by the podcasts that invite her on – as a world expert on tokophobia. More about Alexia ›
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife, or a qualified professional.
Read next:
- Tokophobia: everything you need to know
- 7 signs of a woman with tokophobia
- Who’s the Tokophobia Support Circle for?
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- 16.5% of Women Fear Birth Enough for It to Shape Their Lives: The Numbers - 14th July 2026
- When Fear Takes Over: The Abortions We Don’t Talk About - 30th September 2025
- Tokophobia and Relationships - 22nd July 2025